


You be You and I'll be Me

by Kylo Hux (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Series: You Touched Me, and Suddenly, I was a Lilac Sky [15]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Acting Student!Ren, Actor Ben Solo, Actor Kylo Ren, Actor Ren, Actor!Ren, Airports, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Earth, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Body Modification, Driving, Early Mornings, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Gender Fluid Kylo, Genderfluid Character, Gun Violence, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren is his acting pseud, M/M, Marine Corps Hux, Marine Corps!Hux, Mario Kart, Minor Violence, Morning Cuddles, Mornings, Mutual Pining, Necklaces, Non-Graphic Violence, Pining, Romance, Singing, Student Ben Solo, Student Kylo Ren, Tattoos, Teacher Obi Wan Kenobi, Teacher!Obi-Wan, Violence, War, YouTube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/Kylo%20Hux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux has been in the Marine Corps since he graduated high school. Ren has been in Juilliard since Hux got his new posting.</p><p>Living together, loving together, learning together; Ren has always been faithful, and so has Hux.</p><p>As Ren's acting career begins to get bigger, can Hux keep him by his side?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Come Crawling Back to You

Hux groaned softly as he woke up, eyes blinking around the dark room. The clock on the bedside table read 3am and, groggily, he sat up, yawning. It wasn’t the first time he woke up before his alarm when he needed to get ready for duty, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Reaching over to fiddle with the alarm clock, turning his alarm off, but leaving Ren’s 5am alarm on, he got up. Hux didn’t move for a moment, he just turned to watch his boyfriend.

Ren was on his stomach, hands and lower arms rested under the pillow. His right cheek was pressed against the satin sheets, that Hux insisted on, and Hux had the strangest feeling that Ren had drifted off to sleep whilst watching Hux.

Hux smiled and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Ren’s temple before he got up, shuffling silently through to the kitchen. The only thing he hated about their apartment being so small – something he usually relished in – was when he woke this early. Any number of things could wake Ren up.

Glancing at the calendar, Hux smiled sadly, seeing today’s date with a variety of symbols. A sad red smiley face, indicating Hux going back to duty, a small purple question mark, depicting the fact Ren was supposed to get a call back from an audition, and a small little blue _x_ meaning it was the day Ren had to Skype with his parents.

Hux rummaged in the fridge until he found the mango Relentless energy drink he loved so much – and was his replacement of coffee this early in the morning – before he trekked through to the bathroom. He cracked the can as he ran a shower, and stripped off before he took a sip of the sickly sweet liquid. Hux took three sharp drags before he clambered into the shower, relaxing under the water jet.

His first thought was that his relationship could be easier.

Hux was always away overseas, as a general in the Marine Corps, he lived a dangerous life; but Ren had always known that. Back when they were in high school, when Hux had met the young raven-haired student that had taken his breath away, Ren knew that Hux had his heart set on something like the Corps. Ren had never batted an eyelid at the Uniformed Services student, not caring at all.

When they started dating, the day Ren scored the biggest role of his school-acting career, Hux had reminded him. The drama-student fluttered his eyelashes and said he didn’t care; he didn’t care as long as Hux came back to him.

Hux had gotten stationed the day he graduated, and had to leave Ren behind – but they’d kept in touch weekly by way of Skype.

Every conversation was another excited babble from Ren – how he’d managed to go down as the school’s best actor for the third year running, how his singing teacher had given him the main part in her charity concert, how his teachers all thought he could audition for Juilliard and seriously be considered for the part.  
Then there was the day that Ren had just burst out “igotapartinatvsitcomhuxicantbreathe” and Hux had burst into laughter, not understanding a word. When it was repeated, Ren having landed a three-episode part in a sitcom, Hux had been speechless before he congratulated his young boyfriend.

Hux had been back just in time for Ren’s graduation.

Hux was with Ren when he got the most important news of his life – Juilliard had accepted him on a scholarship.

Hux was the one who helped him pack up and move to New York; they decided then and there, when Hux was helping Ren choose which apartment to rent ~~which he ended up buying against Hux’s best advice~~ that they should move in with each other.

Now they were here; sleeping in a tiny apartment, cuddled up together whilst Hux was to and from war, and Ren was trying to make it big in the acting world.

He’d already made it, really – that’s what his teachers said. He had a solid portfolio, a good history with cameos in sitcoms and television movies, and even Hux was impressed with the small following Ren had come to gain over the past few years.

“He’s gonna make it one day...”

“Who’s gonna make it?”

Hux jumped as slender arms slipped around his stomach and a bony cheek pressed up on his shoulder.

“You are. What are you doing up?”

He turned his head so he could watch Ren yawn before he leaned in for a kiss.

“Just woke up, thought I’d come say goodbye before you went.”

“You should be asleep; you don’t want to look tired if you get your call back.”

“You say that as if I’m _not_ going to get it.” Ren smiled and pressed his forehead to Hux’s shoulder. “As if I wouldn’t drive you to the airport... it’s our _thing_ for this.”

“I know it gives you piece of mind, love, but you really need your rest.”

“Again, I love how you say that as if I’m going to go back to bed.”

Hux sighed and shifted around to hold Ren close to his chest, rocking them under the shower stream. Ren rested his head on Hux’s shoulder and stared at the dark wall to the side, whilst Hux watched his lover closely. There were tears brimming in his eyes and Hux placed a finger under Ren’s chin, lifting his head to look at him.

Ren was only 5’11, but Hux still towered over him with his height of 6’1. Still, Ren was growing, _still_ , and Hux was sure that Ren would be the one who towered over Hux when he got back from his five month stationing.

“Ren...”

“What if... what if this is the time you don’t come back?”

Ren’s voice was a sorrowful whisper, and it broke Hux’s heart.

“Listen to me, Ren, listen to me. No matter _what_ , I don’t care if I have to drag my legless body over borders or if I have to single-handedly take on the enemy, I will **_always_** find my way back to you; do you understand that?”

Ren’s tears were tracking down his cheeks now, and he buried his face in the crook of Hux’s neck.

The whimper that fell against his skin caused Hux to close his eyes.

“I love you, too, Ren; more than anything in this world.”

After a few more moments, Hux pulled away to wash them both.

-xox-

Hux finished dressing in his uniform, proud of the stars that glimmered in the dim light filtering through the window. He could smell the coffee from the kitchen, could hear the soft sizzle of a frying pan as Ren made pancakes.

It was their signature meal when Hux went off, Ren always made it, no matter what time of the day.

Sighing, Hux gave his suitcase one more check over before he sealed it, locked it and dragged it through to the hallway, leaving it by the door.

Turning, he watched Ren, just staring into the fridge.

“Ren?”

Slowly, ever so slowly, the younger male turned his head to watch Hux, and the General sighed, moving over to wrap his arms tightly around his waist. “I promise, I’m coming back, I could _never_ leave you alone, do you hear me?”

His thumb pressed gently against Ren’s bottom lip and he leaned up to press a kiss to Hux’s lips.

“I’m just scared. I’m being stupid.”

“Do you really think that the wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, fiancés, fiancées, and all other romantic partners that are with the members in my troupe aren’t doing the same thing as you right now?”

Ren sighed and cuddled tight in Hux’s arms. “How about, we finish cooking these pancakes, cuddle up on the window sill, and then leave a little early and have a small coffee date, so you have some time to remember me by?”

“I’d rather just leave the usual time and drop you off. My heart couldn’t take any longer.”

“Alright then, love; let’s cook breakfast, hm?”

“Yours are done.” Ren pointed to a small plate of pancakes and Hux finally drew away, moving to sit on their window seat.

It was just the window sill, but they’d stuck some blankets to it, added some pillows and had a small stool by the window where they could put things like coffee cups, books, anything of the sort.

He cut his pancakes, watching Ren as he finished cooking his own.

The younger male’s movements were slow, sluggish and Hux would have sent him back to bed if he didn’t recognise that it was merely Ren trying not to cry.

Hux might have said something, but then Ren was walking across the room with a coffee for him and Hux and then he was sat on the window-seat, curled up on the left side, chewing slowly as he stared out at New York, watching the city waking up.

“I heard you had that big audition next week.”

“It’s just some cameo for Marvel.”

Hux froze. “Sorry, did you say Marvel?”

Ren nodded. “Obi – Mr. Kenobi – thinks that I have a good shot at it. He pulled a lot of strings for me to get the audition but... I don’t know. It’s _Marvel_ , I’m hardly decent for them.”

“Stop that, right now. They wouldn’t have agreed to audition you if they didn’t think you were a decent actor, Ren.”

Ren nodded a little bit before chewing through a pancake in silence. “Obi thinks I might be able to get a cameo in the next Star Wars movie.”

“Are you serious?”

“Mhm; he thinks that I have the right ‘look’ about me to play a Sith.”

“Never before would I have thought I would be rooting for a Sith.”

“Oh shut up.” Ren kicked him softly, but he was smiling as he picked his coffee cup up. “You gonna watch my show when you’re out there?”

“If I get the chance to, of course I’m going to – record it just in case I can’t.”

“Babe, everything with me records automatically; you set it to do that.”

“Can’t think why I would want to see your mug on the television all the time. I have to wake up to it enough.”

Ren laughed around his coffee cup, kicking Hux gently again. Hux put his empty plate down, and picked his own mug up, relishing the taste of the chocolate syrup shot Ren had poured into it.

_One, two, three, four._

Ren shifted across the blanket and pressed against Hux’s chest, curling up whilst he sipped his coffee and Hux let his spare arm wrap around Ren, holding him tightly. They stayed like that, sipping their coffees, relaxing as the sun started breaching the dark sky and Ren closed his eyes.

“I suppose... suppose we better get going.”

“Yea... we should.”

-xox-

Ren slowed down for the red light and leant back in the driver’s seat as he stared ahead at the road. Hux reached over and placed his hand on Ren’s thigh, giving it a soft squeeze.

“It’s only five months this time.”

“Only.” It was a scoff and Ren had to look left, staring out the window.

“Would you rather it be another 18 months?”

Ren’s shoulders slumped. “Honestly? I wish you wouldn’t do this. I wish you’d station in New York and stay here but... I know how much doing this means to you.”

“I appreciate that, love.”

Ren smiled weakly as he turned to watch Hux. “Just make sure you come back to me.”

“What did I say earlier? I’m coming back no matter _what_ , Ren. I’m never going to leave you alone. You’re stuck with me.”

Ren smiled and gave a weak laugh before he started driving again.

Conversation fell silent as the airport started looming into view and Hux stared at Ren’s knuckles, going white on the leather steering wheel. They pulled up in a parking space and Ren didn’t move at first before he sighed. Hux unclipped his seat belt before Ren put a hand on his thigh, stopping him.

Leaning over, he kissed him softly, and Hux cupped the back of his neck, holding him tightly.

“Can I do one thing, for me?”

“Of course you can; you can do anything if it’ll help you be more at ease.”

Ren fumbled with his phone, opening up the camera. Wrapping his arm – albeit a little awkwardly – around Hux, he rested his head on Hux’s shoulder. He snapped the photo of them both smiling before he leaned up, snapping another one of them kissing.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

They both got out of the car, and Ren moved to buy a parking ticket so he didn’t get charged. Hux slung his arm around Ren’s hips and he let Hux lead him through the just-lightening parking lot before they were inside the airport.

Ren stayed with Hux as long as he could, through check in, through Hux nipping into WH Smith and buying a few books for his travels before Ren found he couldn’t go through security.

Tears were welling up in his eyes again, and Hux leaned down to press a hard kiss to Ren’s lips.

“Five months.”

“153 days, Hux.”

“Look at it as months.”

Hux wiped away a stray tear tracking down Ren’s face with his thumb, leaning in for another kiss. The soft _awws_ from members of Hux’s troupe floated down to them, but neither of them cared.

“I got you something, for whilst I’m away.”

Ren raised an eyebrow as Hux dug into his pocket. He pulled out a long, thin black velvet box and Ren frowned as Hux pressed it into his hands.

Opening it, Ren’s eyes widened, his mouth dropped open. A simple silver chain rested on the silk inside, a soft H falling down. A peridot sat in the top left corner of the H and a small emerald sat on the bottom right – his and Hux’s birthstones.

“Hux...”

Carefully, the General put his bags down and picked the necklace up, motioning for Ren to turn around. When he lifted his black mop of hair up, Hux gently secured the chain around Ren’s neck before pressing a soft kiss to the nape of Ren’s neck.

“No matter what, I will always be with you.”

Ren turned around, crying hard now as he threw his arms around Hux’s neck. They kissed again before Hux forced himself to step back, picking his bags up.

“Five months.”

“153 days.”

Ren stayed where he was, fingers playing with the small H around his neck until Hux was long gone from his sight.

-xox-

Hux settled himself in the waiting room, opposite Poe – his bunk mate and best friend –when his phone buzzed – rapidly.

Pulling it from his pocket, he frowned at the mass of notifications from Twitter, such and such retweeted a tweet you were tagged in was the main thing. Opening his app, he quickly scrolled through his notifications before he stared at the tweet from Ren.

_I love him, but I hate driving him to the airport. Get home safe, General @BHux. I’ll be waiting._

The photos Ren had taken in the car adorned the tweet, along with another photo of Ren holding his necklace for the camera to see.

Hux liked the tweet, retweeted it and then opened a new tweet.

_I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere but home x_

Putting his phone back in his pocket, Hux cracked open one of his new books and forced himself to focus on where he was headed, rather than what waited for him at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 1.5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5755339) by my babes <3


	2. Ren-Bird

_“What do you think Ren is doing now?” Poe asked, the plane emerging through the patch of cloud and the ride smoothing out._

_The mention of his name pierced Hux’s heart but he tried to ignore it, replying jokingly, “Probably on the phone to Finn, crying.”_

* * *

“But what if this is the one time, Finn?”

Finn rolled his eyes and rubbed the dried sleep off his face. “Ky, I love you... but shut up.”

Ren looked up; tears in his eyes as he sniffed into the coffee cup Finn had given him. “I can’t help but... but...”

Finn sighed as Ren went off. _Again._ For the third time in fifteen minutes.

“Hux is gonna be fine, dude.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Finn sat opposite Ren at his breakfast bar and started pouring sugar into his morning coffee. “Because, he has Poe with him, and they look after each other like we do. Poe would give his life to save Hux and vice versa.”

Ren shifted a little and pulled his long, red sleeves over his hands. The long jumper he was wearing had been a gift from Hux three Christmases ago. Ren wasn’t sure if it were a bad thing it was slightly too big now, considering he’s grown – but hey, weight dropped off of him if he weren’t careful.

Cupping his hands around his coffee cup, Ren lifted it to sip the hot liquid, only to choke when he saw a sparkle. “Finn?! What the hell is that on your left hand?!”

Finn laughed and lifted his hand, letting the ring there shimmer in the morning light pouring in through his window. “Poe proposed.”

“Oh my _gosh_ , look at it.”

“White gold, diamond and onyx.”

“Holy shit... Tell me everything!”

Finn sat back on his stool, smiling as he sipped his coffee. “Well, he took me ice skating for our second date; remember the ice rink we all double dated at a few weekends ago?”

Ren nodded, his eyes wide – although there was a soft stab of jealously deep in the pit of his stomach.

“So, he rents the whole place out – not to my knowledge at the time – and I’m worried that there’s no one else there, like, should we be here? Are we even allowed to be on the ice right now? I’m having an inside panic attack at the fact that the cops might show up and arrest us at any second, and then the disco lights went on and our song started playing through the speakers and then we skated and then the next thing I know, he’s falling down.  
I rush over to make sure he’s okay and it takes me a whole play of our song to realise that he’s down on one knee with a ring in his damn hand, asking me to be Mr. Finn Dameron, because _you know, it really suits you, I really think you should say yes,_ with that charming ass smile of his.”

Ren cooed a little and reached out to take Finn’s hand, twisting it softly to stare at the ring. “Is it wrong that I think that is so romantic?”

“It was romantic, shut up.”

Ren laughed and returned his hands to his mug, swirling the liquid around his cup. Silence fell between the two males, but it was a comfortable silence, one they were accustomed too. Normally, Finn would be furiously scribbling notes down on a blank piece of music paper, desperately trying to get his new assignment finished, whilst Ren read over a manuscript, trying to learn the words before they asked each other for help – usually at the same time.

That normally lead to them breaking down in laughter and going for a coffee to take a break before Finn had Ren recite what he could of his manuscript – normally demanding just as Ren would take a gulp of hot coffee.

“So,” Finn stared at Ren’s face. “Have you and Hux...”

“Have Hux and I what?” Ren knew what was coming and he braced himself for the sadness that would cover his stomach.

“Discussed marriage. I know you wanna marry him, Ren, come on you’ve told me that before.”

“Hux... Hux is against us getting married, right now at least.”

“O...kay, you’re gonna need to explain this one to me.”

“He loves me, he wants to marry me, but – as I’m only 19, he doesn’t want to risk making me a widower so young. Plus, I want to personally wait until gay marriage is legal in New York. Fuck driving to Canada just to say _I do_.”

“Nice. Thanks dude.”

Finn raised an eyebrow and Ren choked on his drink. “I mean, it’s great if you and Poe do that but I, personally, would rather wait.”

Finn burst into laughter and raised his hands. “I’m messing with ya, Ky, I’m messing with ya.”

The silence fell around them again and Ren turned his head, staring at the mass of string instruments in the hallway.

“New strings?”

“All need them.”

“Damn, how hard is your course working you?”

“Been doing a lot of stuff for my YouTube; still gotta edit everything though.”

Ren nodded a little and sipped his coffee. “You need any vocals done?”

“Just female ones, no offence, but your vocals are a little too deep for that.”

Ren put his hand on his chest in mock offensive. “How _dare_ you, I’ll have you know I sing opera better than the guy in the _Go Compare_ adverts.”

“Ky, _Poe_ can sing better than that guy.”

“Did you just compare my vocals to Poe?”

“He can sing, Ky!”

“Anyone can sing folk music, Finn, _Hux_ can sing folk music!”

“That’s offensive to both my fiancé and to folk singers.” Finn snorted. “I’d like to see Hux try and play guitar.”

“He’s more of a drums kinda guy. He’s very good at banging,” Ren smirked.

Finn spluttered, spitting coffee all over the breakfast bar. “Get out of my apartment, oh my GOD, dude.”

They burst into laughter again before Ren cleared his throat. “I just remembered, I got a new assignment for singing last week – we have to produce a song that could be sold as a single and I was wondering if you would help me out. Of course, if you have too much on then don’t say yes, I can get Rey to help me if need be... or maybe I could get my Mom to do some vocals and send them over to me.”

“Nah, I got you. I think we have a similar assignment coming up, in all honesty. Maybe we can colab and hand it in together. Think Snoke would let that happen?”

Ren pulled a face and went silent, tapping his finger against his mug. Snoke, the administrator, was a hard ass when it came to marking, and he had a hatred for Finn that ran deep for God knows why. Then again, Ren was his _favourite_ student – everyone knew it; he’d even had to get an independent marker last year because people weren’t sure if Snoke was doctoring Ren’s grades.

“Maybe if I ask him.”

“I wouldn’t wanna bring your grade down.”

“If anything, I’m bringing your grade up.”

Ren got up and sidled through to the living room and picked up Poe’s guitar, giving it a few strums before starting to tune it.

“Hey, how come you’re up so early, anyway?”

“I drive Hux to the airport every time he goes. It’s sort of a ritual. Good luck kinda thing, I guess. I’m surprised you don’t.”

“Poe and I have our own rituals the night before.”

“That’s gross get out of my face.”

They laughed again before Ren sat forward, strumming softly.

“Wait hold on, what the hell is glinting around your neck?”

“Hux got me a necklace, a little H. Just something to keep on me whilst he’s out there.”

Finn smiled as he moved through to collapse into the armchair. “He loves you.”

“And I love him.”

The two shared a smile before Ren looked down at the guitar, clearing his throat as he started strumming.

 _“I was riding shot gun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car. He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my hea-a-art. I look around, turn the radio down; he says ‘baby, is something wrong?’ I say, ‘Nothing, I was just thinking how we don’t have a song._ ”

Ren looked up for a moment as Finn joined in and they grinned at each other.

“ _And he says: our song is the slamming screen door, sneakin’ out late, tapping on your window. When we’re on the phone ad you talk real slow, ‘cause it’s late and your Mama don’t know.  
Our song is the way you laugh; the first date: ‘Man, I didn’t kiss him when I should have.’ And when I got home... ‘fore I said amen, asking God if he could play it again.”_

Ren stopped playing and stood, putting the guitar back before he stretched out. “Didn’t know you were a Swiftie, Trooper.”

Finn snorted and leaned back in the arm chair. “That’s a song Poe sings to me a lot. Represents our relationship a lot.”

Ren blinked a little before laughing. “You’re kidding? That song was mine and Hux’s back in high school!”

They laughed a little and Finn cleared his throat. “You should cover it for class or your YouTube or something.”

“I don’t know; I don’t really have the range for Swift.”

“Hey, from what I just heard, you do.”

“Yea but you have a secret crush on me, Finn, you’re biased.”

Finn shook his head and sipped his coffee, finishing the dregs of it. “You gonna do one of those long ass YouTube videos you do where you cry over Hux going overseas and then sing a soppy little romance song?”

“You gonna develop a thing called a heart?”

Finn put his hands up with a grin. “I’m just saying, man, you really should be used to him going by now.”

“It’s not that, Finn; it’s nothing to do with him leaving.” Ren hugged himself as he sat back down, leaning forward.

“What is it, then? Come on, you look like you need to get it out.”

Ren watched Finn for a second before he sighed. “I... I’m terrified. Every time my phone rings, every time I turn the news on, every time someone calls me out of class... I’m scared that he’s been hurt... or worse. I’m terrified that he’s been injured and I have to go out there because... how do you handle seeing the man you love in a bed, hooked up to machines to survive? How do you deal with the repercussions? How do you deal with the fear inside that if he gets hurt, then your relationship will break up for so many different reasons?  
Hux and Poe’s higher, Phasma, she got injured once and her and her husband split up because they couldn’t handle it and...”

Ren had to stop, sobbing into his hands as he tried to remember how to breathe. Finn was by his side in seconds, rubbing up and down Ren’s back with a sad smile.

“Listen to me, I’m going to get dressed, and then we’re gonna talk about this as we walk out my apartment and go do something fun, alright?”

Ren nodded and rocked a little as Finn moved to get dressed. It only took a few minutes and then Ren was being lead out the room and apartment and down the stairs to the ground floor.

“You know how I deal with it?”

Ren shook his head, wringing his hands as they started walking down the street.

“I trust him.”

Ren looked over, blinking a little.

“Poe is smart. He’s not going to put himself in unnecessary danger. He’s not going to try and be the hero, or try and be a smart arse. They’re _trained_ , Ren, Hux knows what he’s doing.”

“Hux is the exact kind of idiot to jump on a fucking grenade.”

“Would that be so bad? If that’s how he died? Saving his brothers from a threat that would wipe them all out?”

“I’d rather him not fucking die at all.” Ren snapped a little too harshly and then looked up, eyes wide.

“I’m just saying Ren, would you rather him be kidnapped and killed or jump on a grenade to save his brothers?”

“Grenade,” Ren mumbled a little, before his fingers found the small H, resting in between his collar bones.

“Trust in Hux. He’ll come back to you, I promise.” Finn smiled, slinging his arm around Ren’s shoulders. “You know what you wanna do?”

“Yea. I need a tattoo parlour.”

If Finn had any questions, he didn’t raise them, just continued leading Ren down the road.

-xox-

Ren lay down on the leather seat, trying to control his breathing as the clamp was placed on his septum.

“You know, when I said fun, Ky, I didn’t mean shove needles through your body.”

“Hey, I’ve always wanted a septum piercing. Plus Hux is gonna find it hot.”

“Gross.”

“Oh please I could have said wors- she’s got the needle hold my hand.”

Finn snorted and reached out to grip onto Ren’s eyes as he squeezed his eyes shut. He matched the force Ren was applying to his hand and then it was over and Ren was laughing shakily.

He sat up, staring at himself in the mirror, smiling as the small piece of black metal hung down, the two spikes swinging a little.

“Clean it twice a day, don’t play with it, and make sure you swivel it a little bit every day so that it doesn’t stick to the skin around it. If you need to flip it up, do it now before it swells.”

Ren nodded and cleared his throat before he got up, going through his bag for his wallet. He was about to follow the woman out to the desk when he stopped, staring at a picture of someone’s tattoo, hanging on the wall.

“Ky... no.”

“Excuse me!”

-xox-

Rey, Finn and Ren sat on Ren’s couch, screaming at the television screen as Ren took first place.

“CHEATER!”

“HOW AM I CHEATING, REY? I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE!”

“CHEAT CODES!”

“YOU BOTH SUCK SO MUCH I DON’T NEED TO USE CHEAT CODES- FINN YOU SO DID NOT JUST BLUE SHELL ME!”

“WATCH IT AND WEEP, WHITE BOI!”

“BITE ME, STRINGS, FUCKING BITE ME!”

“I thought that was Hux’s job.”

Ren stared at Rey in pure horror, forgetting to drive his cart, only to jump when Finn screamed out, slamming his controller down. “FIRST PLACE; BITCHES!”

Ren reached forward to smack Finn lightly around the back of the head before he tucked his long legs against his chest, grabbing his water bottle.

“How do you know what Hux and I are into?”

Rey smirked. “Bitch, please, try covering your bruises and bite marks up next time- IS THAT A TATTOO?”

Ren smiled a little and tilted his head back, tugging his shirt down to show off the small wren tattooed on his collar bone.

“I thought you couldn’t get those? Your agent is going to _kill_ you, Ren.”

“I can cover it.” Ren shrugged.

“Why a wren?”

“Because Hux calls me his little Ren-bird.”

Finn and Rey rolled their eyes. “That is disgustingly cute.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have someone to call you cute nicknames, Rey.”

“True, but still.”

Ren glanced at his phone, still completely silent. His Mother had texted to say her and his Father were going on a trip and so their Skype call was going to be rearranged – his agent still hadn’t called him about the call back.

“Stop staring at it and order pizza.”

“I don’t eat pizza.”

“Then order _us_ pizza and get yourself a salad.”

“I still say you should eat something fattening, Ky.” Finn looked over, giving a glance to how skinny Ren was getting. Rey nodded from where she sat, frowning.

“Guys, I always get like this, whenever Hux goes away. Give me a week and I’ll be eating more than both of you combined in one sitting.”

Rey laughed and nodded a little, snorting. “Yea, yea, okay you are right... do we have to blackmail you to eat tonight?”

Ren rolled his eyes. “Hux wouldn’t want you to quit eating, blah, blah, we’ll tell him if you don’t; yea you guys give me that _every damn time_ , just order a damn pizza.”

They all laughed and Ren got up to grab another drink from the fridge.

Staring at a picture on the wall as he did so, Ren swallowed hard, resting his fingers on the glass.

Ren and his family had gone to Greece for a holiday back in high school, and his Mother had invited Hux. They’d climbed to the top of the Acropolis, and they’d hugged, just staring out at the expanse of blue around them. His Father had snuck around the monument and snapped a picture of Ren resting his head on Hux’s shoulder, arms tight around his waist whilst Hux pressed a kiss to the top of Ren’s head.

“Ren... he’ll come back.”

“I know, Rey."

But Ren couldn’t help but grip onto his necklace as he disappeared into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got excited oops
> 
> The song that Finn and Ren colab on is [Our Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI-RG6y5UmM) by Taylor Swift.
> 
> [This](http://rickyslilhorror.deviantart.com/art/Acropolis-2-553436901) is what the Acropolis looks like from the top - just for y'all wondering, and the walk kills you - but I'd do it all again <3 This is my photography, please do NOT use it without my permission.
> 
> [Chapter 1.5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5755339) by my babes <3


	3. You’ve Been the Only Thing That’s Right in all I’ve Done

It was Wednesday morning, and Ren barely had enough time for his body to comprehend the caffeine he’d just ingested when Obi was calling him out of dance troupe for an assessment.

That he’d completely forgotten about, with Hux going back to Iran just four days earlier. He rubbed his head, groaning as he was rushed through the halls.

“Do I have to do this now, Obi? I really don’t think I’m in the right mind-frame for it.”

“Unfortunately, you have to do this. It’s a serious part of your grade and rescheduling is only allowed in special circumstances.”

“I waved goodbye to my boyfriend as he boarded a plane to a _war_ is that not special enough?”

“Only if he’s died.”

Ren flinched at how... _blunt_ Obi was and his fingers went to his neck, twisting the H over the chain it sat on, trying not to burst into tears.

What was it he normally told himself? _Breathe, focus on your instrument, focus on your voice, and allow no other distractions._

That might have worked, if he’d heard from Hux in the past few days – heck, he had no idea if he had even _landed_ , but there’d been nothing in the news about a plane crashing or crash landing, in fact there had been nothing about planes whatsoever and – _fucking Christ, Kylo, focus on your fucking assessment._

Obi ushered him into a room, and Ren almost fell over his own feet as he pushed into the door. There was no one else in here and he took a breath.

“Kylo.”

The teen turned around to watch his teacher.

“If I may... I know you’re worried about Hux... maybe that’s the push you need for this.”

Before Ren could open his mouth to reply, Obi was gone, no doubt to collect another student for the assessment.

 _Instrument, Kylo, instrument_.

Glancing around the room, Ren groaned. Every song he knew how to play vacated his mind, and he couldn’t breathe. He was kicking himself, how the _hell_ had he forgotten about one of the most important assessments for his singing class?

If he failed this, he might just have to take the whole class again.

“Ben Solo.”

Ren turned to stare at the door, a young woman in a suit-skirt standing there. He cringed at the use of his full name and he quickly left the room, following after her. God, he was so stupid.

Here he goes, screwing up his future.

Being lead into a room, he tried not to flinch as he saw four people; three men and the woman who had lead him into the room, staring at him.

The click of the recorder on the table they sat up was like a bomb going off in Ren’s ears.

“State your name, professional name – if you so have one, your chosen instrument, if you are producing your own music as well, and the song you will perform. A reminder that original songs are not accepted at this point in the assessments, your assignment on that will come later.”

Ren glanced around the room in a panic. “Ben Solo. Kylo Ren...” _Think of Hux, fuck, what would you sing to Hux?_ “Piano. Run, the cover version by Leona Lewis.”

He clenched his shaking fists as he slowly sunk down in front of the piano, trying to ignore the stares from the assessors.

Closing his eyes, heart in his mouth, Ren’s fingers found the necessary keys and he played the intro with no issues. He opened his eyes, and focused on the keys, and nothing but the keys in front of him.

“ _I’ll sing it one last time for you, then we have to go-o. You’ve been the only thing that’s right in all I’ve done.”_

Ren cringed at how nervous his voice sounded.

 _“And I can barely look at you ‘cause every single time I do, I know we’ll make it anywhere, away from here._  
_Light up, light up; as if you have a choice, even if you cannot hear my voice, I’ll be right beside you dear._  
_Louder, louder, and we’ll run for our lives. I can hardly speak, I understand, why you can’t raise your voice to say_.”

Tears welled up in Ren’s eyes and he realised, with horror that his throat felt like it was closing up. He forced himself to take a vocal break when the song gave him the chance to. Suddenly, remembering that Obi was always on at him about his confidence levels, his head shot up, making eye contact with each and every one of the assessors in front of him before he looked back down at the piano, and making sure he hit the right keys.

“ _To think I might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry-_ ” Now was not the time for his voice to crack like that. _“And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly do.”_

The thought of saying goodbye to Hux at the airport back on Saturday slipped through his mind.  
His voice went again and Ren forced himself to take a calming breath as he went into the chorus again.

_“Light up, light up; as if you have a choice, even if you cannot hear my voice, I’ll be right beside you dear.  
Louder, louder, and we’ll run for our lives. I can hardly speak, I understand, why you can’t raise your voice to say.”_

His voice started up stronger as he began vocalising; glancing up, the female assessor seemed impressed. He kept going, focusing on the keys under his fingers. He caught a glimpse of Obi peering in through the window in the door, and Ren’s voice only got stronger still.

_“Light up, light up; as if you have a choice, even if you cannot hear my voice, I’ll be right beside you dear.”_

His eyes were dry; his voice was as strong as he had ever heard it before.

“ _Louder, louder, and we’ll run for our lives. I can hardly speak, I understand, why you can’t raise your voice to say.”_

Ren calmed his voice down, making sure to soften it as he vocalised softly with the last keys he played, bringing it down to silence.

“Thank you, you may leave.”

Shakily standing up, Ren gave a soft nod of thank you before he hurried out the door. Obi was smiling, wide, and gave him a pat on the back.

“That may have been the best assessment I’ve ever heard you perform.”

“That may have been the most _painful_ assessment I’ve ever sat through.”

Obi frowned a little and gave Ren’s back another pat before nodding, sending him back to dance class.

-xox-

 _When you completely forget that an assessment for 60% of your grade is a thing that exists and you have to wing the whole thing ¯\\_(_ _ツ)_/¯_

Ren snorted as he hit tweet and collapsed into his seat in the cafeteria, tugging a lemon and lime Lucozade Light out of his bag. Groaning, he let his head drop onto the table with a pretty hard thud, sighing as he thought about how much better he could have been if he’d been fucking prepared.

“Someone had a rough assessment! 60% of your grade and you didn’t prep?”

“I forgot it existed, Rey.” Ren twisted his head so he could watch his friend, sitting down next to him.

“Obi said it was the best he’d ever heard you sing.”

“Obi didn’t see me start crying in there because I sang a song I fucking shouldn’t have.”

“What did you sing?”

“ _Run_ , by Leona Lewis.”

Rey snorted. “Are you trying to punish yourself?”

“I think so.”

“60% of your grade and you forgot the assessment exists?”

Finn pulled a chair up opposite Ren, who started sucking his sports drink down. “I’ve been preoccupied with trying to find out whether my boyfriend got shot or not.”

“We’d know by now, stop worrying. Right now, they’re in tents, with the rest of the Corps out there, having a good ol’ laugh, and complaining about missing their lovers.”

“And Hux is complaining about missing your cooking,” Rey gave Ren a soft jab to the ribs and he chuckled, smiling sadly.

“Yea, he is.”

Finn reached out to pat Ren’s hand, who yawned in response.

“Y’all alright there, Ky?”

“I haven’t slept properly since-”

“Since Hux left, I’ve been the same with Poe.”

Ren grunted and started sucking on his bottle again. “How was string quarter?”

“They’re all idiots who can’t keep a tune _or my fucking beat_. I might shove my violin so far up this one guy’s ass he chokes on it. Seriously, he is _so_ fucking _pretentious_ , anyone would think he’s a fucking King or something.”

Finn leaned over to nick a chip from Rey’s plate, yelping as he smacked his arm. “Dead arm!”

“Good!”

Ren used the distraction to nick a few chips of his own.

“So, Finn, what’s the problem with Mr. Pretentious? Sounds like you two would get along just fine.”

Finn glared before he broke into laughter when Ren coughed on a chip that was too hot, burning the roof of his mouth.

Ren glared when both his friends chirped up at the same time. “ _Karma!_ ”

“Yea, yea, karma hates me, we figured this out when it made me a gangly giant with a too long nose and awkward knees.”

“For the record,” Rey burnt her own tongue on a chip and grimaced, nicking Ren’s bottle for a moment. “I love your awkward knees.”

“They make dance class hell.”

Finn snorted and checked his phone before jumping up with a yell. “Assessmentcyalaterdontmissme.”

Rey stared after the fleeing figure in confusion and Ren nicked his drink back. “He has an assessment, he’ll see us later and don’t miss him.”

They both chuckled before Ren yawned and checked his timetables; no assessments for the rest of the day, and a one-on-one session with Obi.

“Hey, I’m gonna go see if Obi will let me off OOO with him. I’m shattered.”

“Gonna go home and watch videos of lover boy?”

“Gonna go home and pop a sleeping pill.”

“Bull. You’re gonna sit there, staring at your phone whilst listening to soppy love songs until you eventually pass out without eating anything throughout the day, and then you’re gonna come to school grumpier tomorrow, because you’re sleep deprived and you haven’t eaten.”

Ren glared at her, which made her shudder – his glare was one thing that most people agreed was... strangely terrifying – before he nicked another one of her chips, grabbing his bag and drink, disappearing from the cafeteria.

-xox-

“Excellent performance, Kylo, excellent! I was just about to come looking for you.”

Ren cringed at the video playing on Obi’s computer. He’d performed in a contest a few weeks ago, winning the school the contest, singing an old song about not being perfect for his Father.

 _The fucking irony_.

“Have you made up with your Father yet?”

Silence answered that question.

“Anyway, why are you here? Our one-on-one doesn’t start for another hour.”

“I was hoping that you might let me off on it, or let us do it now. I’m super tired, and I have to record for my final piece tomorrow, and I have to audition for the school play. I wanted to go home, do some last revision, and then go to sleep early.”

“I was actually hoping to discuss something with you, Kylo; today, if that’s alright? We can do it now.”

Ren nodded and slumped in his chair, letting his bag thump to the floor.

“I’m worried at how distracted you are.”

 _Here we go_.

“You are a talented kid, you’ve got it all, acting, dancing, singing, heck – you can play six damn instruments, Kylo.”

“I grew up in a family of musicians.”

“And you reflect that. Your grades are always high, you always do your best, but... your grades are slipping.”

“They do that.”

“Wanna talk about what’s going on? Or are you just having a bit of a hard time with your assignments? God sake, Kylo, you forgot you had a damn assessment today! You would have missed it and failed if I hadn’t come to fetch you.”

Ren turned to stare out the window, at the pale blue sky outside. It was a warm day, not too much wind, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. “I haven’t heard about Hux yet. I’m just... worried.”

“Finn Trooper also dates someone in the Corps, Kylo, he doesn’t get like this.”

“I know, I know. I know I shouldn’t be letting it affect me as much as it is but... I just can’t help but worry. Hux is everything in the world to me and...” Tears welled up in the teen’s eyes and he looked down.

“Hux knows what he’s doing, Kylo. He’s a good general, and a good man. He’ll come home to you, just as he always does.”

Obi sat silently for a moment, flicking through the papers on his desk. “I’ve been following your YouTube channel.”

Ren looked up.

“Your vocals are getting better. Your guitar playing could use a little work.”

Ren nodded a little.

“You haven’t done your usual song for Hux when he goes away.”

“I haven’t had a chance. I’ve been too wound up waiting to hear from him.”

“Why don’t you go home, and you try doing that. It could be that you’re out of your usual routine, and you just need to slip back into it.”

Ren looked up before he nodded, slowly standing. “Am I free to go, Sir?”

Obi nodded and smiled. “Good job today. Honestly, I wouldn’t have known you hadn’t prepared for that assessment, and I’m sure your assessors didn’t either.”

Ren gave his teacher a weak smile before he tugged his bag onto his shoulder, heading straight to the parking lot.

-xox-

Ren screamed out again and collapsed back on the bed. His vocal cords weren’t working, they weren’t pulling the right notes, or they weren’t holding it long enough. It just wasn’t fucking working.

It took all the self-control Ren had not to take it out on his recording equipment.

“Fuck it.”

He stood up, turning everything off, putting it all away. He sighed heavily, heading into the kitchen to make himself a cup of honey tea, moving to sit on the window seat. He stared out at New York, stared at the world around him. He watched people running to and from, people hailing cabs, vendors trying to get people to buy their products.

He suddenly felt so small, realising that everyone in the world had their own lives. Nearly 8 billion people were in the world, and every single one of them was connected to one another by each other.

Ren shuddered and sipped his tea.

His phone vibrated on the stool and he blindly reached over, glancing at it.

_Face Time?_

Ren hit answer before he checked the ID.

He stared for a long moment when Hux popped up on his screen before he burst into relieved tears. Hux started chuckling, and Ren put his tea down so he didn’t spill it on himself.

“You absolute fucking _asshole_!”

“I know, I know, communication the moment we get to base – they took our connections down, had to spend the past few days getting them back up. I’m sorry.”

Ren made an over-exaggerated sigh and looked out the window. “I suppose I can’t kill you for that.”

“How have you been? I saw your tweet, how did your assessment go?”

“Obi thinks it’s one of the best assessments he’s ever heard me do, but I started crying in front of the assessors _whilst_ singing so... probably going to get a crappy grade for it.”

“If Obi was impressed, I’m sure your assessors were.”

Ren shrugged and picked his tea up again, curling up against the chilled glass as he sipped.

“How are things over there?”

“Pretty normal. Corps being the Corps. Poe being Poe. Poe _annoyingly_ being Poe.”

“-You know I am right next to you?”

Hux elbowed someone off camera, which was followed swiftly by a thud and a yelp. “Abuse!”

“Bite me, Dameron. Go call your fiancé or something.”

Ren giggled as he sipped his tea again. He just stared at Hux, the way his pale grey eyes shone with happiness when they focused back on his phone, the way his lips tightened in the corners, when he was trying to stop himself from smiling.

Ren found his own lips were smiling wide.

“It sucks without you here.”

“How have you been sleeping?”

Ren shrugged. “My Fit Bit says I’ve been getting 3-4 hours a night.”

“Ren... how are you eating?”

“I manage about 700-800 calories a day.”

Hux’s frown got deeper.

“Hux, babe, _relax_ , this always happens when you go. I just need to adjust.”

“If you lose any more weight, you’ll be shopping in the kid’s sections.”

“Too tall.”

“Hm, not quite.”

Ren stuck his tongue out, giggling.

“Oh, I have a surprise for you.”

“Ren, what did you do?”

Setting his tea back down, Ren slipped a delicate finger into a nostril, gently tugging the septum ring down.

Hux’s eyes widened a little and he choked. “Oh... oh my.”

“Suits me, right?”

“Definitely.”

Ren went to reply when Hux turned his head abruptly, listening to the Comms communication coming through. Men around him were standing everywhere, and Ren felt his heart drop.

“Ren-bird, I love you. I have to go.”

“I love you, too, Hux.”

“Go get some rest.”

“Will do-” The call went dead and Ren sighed. His phone was buzzing already.

_Finn (1)  
Told you they’d be fine :P_

Ren ignored it and got up, finishing his tea. Walking through to the bedroom, he collapsed onto the mattress, staring to his left at the numerous pictures of him and Hux on the wall.

Tears welled up, and Ren found it hard to breathe. He was being crushed, all he wanted was Hux to wrap his arms around him, to hold him tightly, to cradle him, and make him feel loved.

Curling up, Ren buried his face into Hux’s pillow, and let the scent of his boyfriend and his soft sobs send him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Run](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqpAgMxhx30) by Leona. This song breaks my heart it suits this story perfectly, ugh.


	4. Chelsea Dagger

The sound of his alarm blared through Ren’s consciousness and he groaned, rolling over. His hand bumped over the night stand, looking for the alarm. The soft clatter of his glasses falling to the ground made him groan and lean up, blearily opening his eyes.

He smacked the button down and groaned, again, burying his face into his pillow.

He his head was pounding, feeling like someone was trying to chisel their way out of his skull. His eyes were gritty from crying so much and he sighed as he sat up. He glanced at himself in the mirror that sat on the wardrobe door and pulled a face.

Ren finally stood up, stumbling as he did. Running a hand over his face, Ren groggily walked through to the kitchen, putting the kettle on to boil. He grabbed his phone from the window seat where it had been all night, cringing at the 36% battery in the corner of the screen.

Going through his notifications, he headed onto Twitter.

_Can you wish my friend Robin a happy birthday?! (@rob7263in) it’d mean the world to her!_

Ren cast his lazy eyes around the kitchen before hitting like and then quoted the tweet.

_Hey, @rob7263in! Happy birthday! Have a good one :^)_

The tweet blew up almost instantaneously and Ren wondered how many people had him on tweet notification.

He had unread messages from Finn and Rey and he made a coffee before he sat on the kitchen counter, scrolling through them.

 _Shit man, I got 90% on that assessment last month!_  
_Hey – we did end up with the same assignment – produce a single. You wanna ask Snoke about doing it together?_  
_No YouTube post? You feeling okay? You never miss upload day._  
_Hey man, come on you’re never asleep before 1am, are you alright?_  
_Huh. Guess you are asleep. Catch you tomorrow._

 _I got 87% in my singing final from last month ugh, I have to resit it!_  
_Will you help me out and be in my new assignment? Gotta do a colab and you know our vocals work awesome together (plus you get to tease Hux with a music video :P)_  
_Hey, is everything all right?_  
_Kylo – you cool?_  
_Hey..? See you tomorrow, right?_

Ren rolled his eyes and opened his group chat with them both on Facebook.

_You nurds spammed the shit out my phone. You both resitting? I haven’t even checked my grades yet, oops. Yea, I’ll help you two out – as long as you help me in the future Rey! Nah, no YouTube post. Couldn’t get my vocals cords to work so I gave up and went to bed after Hux called. See you guys at break._

Ren cast his eyes through his notifications, before checking his overall notifications. Smirking at the sight of his ice hockey team winning an away game 4-1, he dropped his phone on the side and finished his coffee before he went for a shower.

His grades could wait.

-xox-

Finishing drying his hair, Ren stretched out again before staring at himself in the mirror. Tears started pricking in his eyes and he took a breath, turning his straighteners on. No, no he wouldn’t let his gender dysphoria get in the way of his audition and work today.

_[authors note – gender fluid Kylo! If you don’t agree with this, scoot. If you comment hate, you’re just being deleted]_

He waited a few minutes before sitting in front of the mirror, running the hot object, watching his hair become less an unruly mess and a killer straight look. His fringe sat over his left eye, and he put the straighteners down, pulling his hair into loose pigtails. Ren smiled softly, feeling more relaxed in his skin before he headed into the wardrobe, pulling at different materials. He eventually settled on a long skirt, opaque with soft waves of material running through it before settling one of Hux’s Marine Corps tanks before a simple pair of two inch black heels sealed the deal.

Sitting back down in front of the mirror, Ren tugged his makeup bag from the shelf it sat on and selected a simple silver eye shadow and a pale pink lipstick; his mascara and eyeliner completed the look and he hopped up, grabbing his phone charger lead.

Heading into the kitchen, he paused in front of the window, taking a selfie of him with a peace sign, grinning a little.

_Gender fluid representation in the house. Don’t hate, boo, we all know I look gorgeous._

Ren turned mobile data off whilst he drove to school. He sat in his car, more to charge his phone than to hide from everyone here... he’d never done this.

He’d dressed as the opposite gender in front of Hux before, but that was _Hux_ , he didn’t care. He loved Ren.

Ren had never been open about it on his Twitter – Christ, he didn’t even think Rey and Finn knew.

Sure enough, when he picked his phone up to check it, there was a missed call from Rey, two from Finn and a bucket load of messages from them both.

Cringing, he opened his car door and ignored them all – only to find Finn and Rey leaning on the parking meter.

No one said anything, and Ren felt tears lumping in his throat. He couldn’t breathe – fuck, they were going to leave- Rey’s arms were thrown around Ren’s neck and he choked a little.

“Y-You-”

“Don’t care. I want that whole outfit oh my god? And how is your eyeliner so on point?”

“Practice.”

“Can you do mine?”

“If you have a pencil or liquid brush.”

Rey turned on her bag, delving through the contents. Finn was swallowing. Ren flinched.

“Ky- you have a name you prefer when you’re uh...”

“Chelsea.”

Ren smiled as Finn’s face broke out into a smile.

“Seriously, dude, if we both weren’t dating, I’d jump you right now. You look gorgeous.”

_**_

_Hux turned his head as Poe shuddered, violently, to his right side, raising an eyebrow._

_“You alright there, bud?”_

_“Yea,” Poe frowned, rolling his shoulders. “Just got a funny feeling, is all.”_

_**_

“Thanks, Finn.” The two hugged for a minute before Rey screeched, resurfacing to conversation height with an eyeliner pencil in hand. Ren took it from her, motioning for her to close her eyes before he carefully went over the stuttered lines she had, even making sure to give her soft wings.

“There you go.”

Rey grinned and pulled Ren down to kiss his cheek.

“Thanks, _babe_.”

“Oh shuddup.”

All three of them ended up in hysterics as they made their way to the cafeteria.

-xox-

Ren looked down at his phone, scrolling through his Twitter notifications. There was a lot of hate in there. He cringed, sipping his YoguShake before sighing a little.

_Y’all wasting your time hating on me, for what? Looking better than your girlfriends?_

Rey spat her coffee out almost as soon as it posted. “Holy crap, Kyl- Chelsea, you’re trying to start a war.”

“Sweet as sugar, sharp as a dagger.”

Finn snorted. “Does Hux know about..?”

“Done this around him before. He doesn’t care – as long as I’m happy is all he said.”

His phone vibrated and Ren looked down, seeing Hux having mentioned him on Twitter. He opened the tweet and found himself speechless.

 _Everyone is asking me about what I think of @KyloRen3 dressing as a woman. You’re giving me leading questions, trying to get me to say that_ »  
_I think it's disgusting. That I think it's wrong. Well, let me tell you one thing. I've known that he's done this, he started doing it when »_  
_we started dating. I've supported him all through him experimenting and I supported him when he came out as gender fluid. I will support »_  
_him now, no matter what anyone says._  
  
_I'm proud to call Kylo Ren my boyfriend AND my girlfriend._

Attached to the last tweet was a photo of Ren and Hux, Ren in a dress and a soft coating of make up on his face. He was kissing Hux – it had been taken at his uncle Luke’s wedding.

“Dude, I think Hux may be the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“So do I, Finn, so do I.” Sipping on his straw, Ren took another sneaky picture, making sure he winked at the camera with a smile.

 _Taylor Swift, eat your heart out_.

Tweeting the picture, Ren stood up quickly. His fan base supported him, his boyfriend supported him, and his friends supported him.

“I have band recording. I’ll see you guys at break or lunch.”

“Wait, band recording?”

Ren grinned back at Rey, sipping his drink. “Yea, a band asked me to do vocals for their recording this week – I’m a colab singer. Obi told me a few weeks ago, and they want to record today.”

“Lucky shit!”

Ren winked and disappeared.

-xox-

Ren froze with his hand on the door to the band recording booth and took a breath. _Remember, think, breathe, and sing, that’s all you’re here for. To sing._

With another breath, he pushed the door open and grinned at the band in the room. _Blue Week_ , they’d called themselves, in honour of Green Day – Ren was pretty sure that they had no clue what to call themselves – and everyone stared at him.

“K-Kylo?”

“That’s me, boo.”

He grinned and walked over to where the microphone was, setting his bag down.

“Groovy, just wanted to check. Didn’t recognise you.”

Ren smiled at the drummer, grateful for the soft compliment before he turned to the singer. “Do you have the spare lyrics? I’ve been going over them, I can sing it, and I just would really prefer the words in front of me so I don’t mess them up.”

The singer nodded and handed him a copy without even looking away from his conversation with the bassist. Ren cast his eyes over the group and he realised that he didn’t know a single person here – Obi owed him for this.

“Alright so Kylo,” Ren winced at the use of his name before he looked up. “You’re aware this is being released as our lead single for our debut, right?”

“And you’re using me for my fan base and popularity, yes.”

A heavy silence sat in the room and Ren laughed. “Guys, I don’t care. I’ve heard your music before, you guys are good. If you sucked, I’d have an issue with you using me but, you don’t, so let’s record and get your guys in Kerrang’s Top 20 list, huh?” Ren slipped his headphones on without a second glance at anyone.

He was aware of them all staring at him, and Ren looked up, clearing his throat. The drummer almost immediately started playing, and Ren nodded his head in time to the beat. The drummer kept going for a full minute, allowing everyone to get their cues, catch up on things, and for the music tech on the other side of the glass wall to press record.

The light went on and the bassist started almost immediately, then the guitarist, and then Ren went straight in on the _da da do, da da do, da da da da da do_ before falling silent, and allowing the singer to lead with his lines.

Ren kept re-reading his lines, kept going over what he had before he looked up, listening intently to the singer before he licked his lips.

“ _Someone said you was asking after me, but I know you best as a blagger. Is said ‘tell me your name, is it sweet?  
She said, ‘my boy it’s Dagger’, oh yea.”_

Both Ren and the singer grinned at each other before their voices instantaneously synced up in timing and harmony.

“ _I was good, she was hot, stealin’ everything she got. I was bold, she was over the worst of it. Gave me gear, thank you dear, bring yer sister over here, let her dance with me just for the hell of it.”_

They all went back into the bridge and Ren couldn’t help himself smile. This felt right, God, all the time he spent in the recording booth was just so right.

A thought popped up in his mind, and he wondered if he and Finn might be able to do a colab... release it for charity or just for fun on their joint YouTube account. That would be fun...

“ _Well, you must be a boy with bones like that, she said – you got me wrong. I would’ve sold them to you, if I could’ve just kept the last of my clothes on... oh yea.”_

Ren was quiet he could stay quiet now; their singer had most of it, and then he repeated the last verse – the lyrics of which made him smile.

Maybe he could do a cover of this song for himself.

_“Chelsea, I believe, when you’re dancing, slowly sucking your sleeve, the boys get lonely after you leave.  
It’s one for the Dagger, another for the one you believe.”_

They vocalised together, a few more seconds longer and then it was over, the recording light went off and a voice came through the headphones.

“Holy crap, guys, that was amazing. Best take – I’m not even sure that we’re gonna have to redo that. Come round and we’ll give it a listen!”

-xox-

They’d had to redo it, just a few parts, once, twice, and Ren had to help the singer out on the chorus for a third time, but then it was over and they were all hugging him. The sound tech took a photo and Ren was more than happy to stand in the middle whilst the band hugged him, even if he did feel a little awkward.

“Thanks for that, man, we’d be honoured if we could do something with you later on.”

“Yea, probably could. Just ask Obi; he knows better than I do what I have going on.” Ren laughed a little before the singer drew him in for another hug and then he was off, checking the time and heading straight for lunch.

The nerves for his audition were starting to kick in, and he wanted to be sick. His hands started shaking as he clung to them, moving straight to the table where Rey and Finn were already seated.

“How did it go..?”

“They want to do another colab and _I_ didn’t have any problems.” Ren tried not to smirk but he ended up laughing really hard. Finn patted his back.

“Hey guys, I was thinking... what if we all did a colab for a charity or just for a bit of fun?”

Finn nodded immediately. “We could do something for the Marine Corps! Money goes to help rehabilitate soldiers!”

Rey smiled a little. “How about we half it – half to the Marines and half to an orphan charity?”

Ren wrapped his arms around Rey smiling softly. “That sounds great.”

Finn and Ren caught each other’s eyes, remembering how Rey had been raised in an orphanage before, by chance, she had found out about her Father being alive.

“How you feeling about your audition, Chelsea?”

“Like shit.”

Ren shuddered and nicked a chip from Rey’s plate and she sighed. “Guys, do you want me to buy you a plate of chips next time?”

“Nah, it’s cool.”

Rey was about to nod when Finn nicked a chip. “I swear to _God_ , guys.”

Ren and Finn laughed and Finn nudged Ren. “You gonna be okay?”

“I’m fine with auditions. Just terrifying still.”

“You’re going to get the part, Obi said he has high hopes.”

“Obi isn’t on the casting crew.”

Rey knocked Ren’s elbow with a smile. “Run off to your audition- SIT THAT GORGEOUS ASS BACK DOWN, MISSY!”

_**_

_Hux frowned and shuddered a little, pen pausing in mid air as he went to write in the answer to his crossword puzzle._

_Poe frowned and punched his leg. “You alright there, Gen?”_

_“Fine... just... got a weird feeling.”_

_**_

Ren immediately sunk back into his seat.

“After school, Finn’s coming to mine _and so are you no exceptions_ , and we’re ordering pizza, and gallons of ice cream and fizzy pop and we are going to fill you with calories so that Hux can stop worrying about you.”

Ren rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing his bag. “I gotcha. Your house, 5pm, right?”

“5.40pm. Finn has late orchestra, you can come earlier if you want.”

Ren nodded, nicked another chip, and ran. “Catch you later!”

-xox-

“I am a millennial.”

Ren said the words and took a step forward, silently praying that the spotlight on him blinded him from seeing the teachers in the audience.

“I... I am a millennial. Generation Y; born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take.” He licked his lips and took another step forward, looking down, raising his voice. “They call us the global generation. We are known for our _entitlement_ and _narcissism_.”

Ren took a step forward, wrapping his arms around his back, pressing the back of his hands to the small of his spine.

“Some say it’s because we’re the first generation were every kid just gets a trophy for showing up. Others think it’s because social media allowed us to post when we fart or have a sandwich for the world to see. But...” Ren paused for dramatic effect, swallowing and walking to the left a little. “But it seems our _one defining trait_ is a _numbness_ to the world. **_An indifference to suffering_**.”

“Thank you, Mr. Solo- oh, my apologies, Mr. Ren.”

Ren bowed his head a little in silent gratitude before he left the stage, tugging on his jeans. He sighed a little and made the short walk back to his locker, grabbing his bag of female clothes and his normal bag. He was done for the day and he knew he had to go see Rey later...

Smiling a little, Ren decided to call it quits and head home. Maybe he’d get to call with Hux for a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Kylo is gender fluid in this fiction, this will be a recurring theme. If you don't like it, don't read it, don't comment, just _leave_.  
>  > [This](http://content.yoursclothing.co.uk/Images/ProductImages/Big/103ece8c-8974-459a-a909-f2f88372769d.jpg) is the skirt I imagine him wearing.
> 
> Don't be worried about Hux and Poe!! The little insertations were just meant to be then getting weird feelings because their boyfriends were being hit on c;
> 
> Song: [Chelsea Dagger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEXHeTcxQy4) by The Fratellis.  
> Recital: Madison Montgomery's [monologue](https://t.co/Z9dvGinOzq), from American Horror Story: Coven.


	5. Generals Gathered in their Masses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux's POV
> 
> Chapter Warning: Vague Descriptions of Violence.

Hux leant back in his chair, staring out at the hot, sandy horizon. They weren’t meant to go out there, not unless they were heading out, but he could see a few of his troupe out there, throwing water at each other, screaming and cursing at each other whilst laughing.

It was enough to put a smile on Hux’s face as he settled back, resting his forearm over his eyes.

“Stop worrying about Kylo.”

Hux tilted his arm slightly up his forehead, watching Poe lazily. “Like you’re not worried about Finn.”

“I’m out here to protect him, just like you’re here to protect Kylo.”

“Mm.”

But the worry was still slick in his stomach, making it turn and squelch, making him wonder if he might have to run for the ‘bathrooms’. He sighed and rubbed his face a little, leaning as far back as he could without breaking the flimsy plastic he was sat on.

“How’s Finn?”

Poe didn’t respond.

“Hey.”

“Worried about Kylo.”

Hux shot upright. “Why is he worried?”

“Apparently, he just seems to be taking a little longer to fall back into routine. He hasn’t uploaded anything to his YouTube, and he seems spacey in lessons, as though he’s not focussing. Rey said he’s barely eating too.”

Hux grunted and leant back in his chair. “He always does this.”

“We’ve been gone a week and a half.”

Hux didn’t reply, picking at his nails. Poe cleared his throat.

“You know, Kylo hasn’t even picked up his grades yet.”

“Shut up about Ren.”

“Hux-”

“That’s an order.”

Poe sighed heavily and perched on the floor, staring at the men on the horizon.

“Can I ask a serious question? About you and Kylo?”

“What?”

Poe hesitated for a little, continuing to stare out at the horizon. “Do you have... commitment issues?”

“Dameron, I swear to God, I will kick your ass so hard you will be given a medical discharge.”

“No, no, just answer the question.”

“We’ve been through this.” Hux tried to ignore Poe, but the way the man was seated, crouched on the sand, staring at him... the fact that Hux could only see him from the corner of his eye caused the General to shudder, goose bumps rising on his skin. “I don’t want him to go through a wedding, to be so happy and then have it ripped away from him.”

Hux sighed and closed his eyes once more. “I don’t want him to have to go through the same pain I watched my Mother go through. I don’t want him to consider terrible things to be with me when his life is just beginning. I want him to be happy, and if it so happens that I do die, I don’t want him to have to look through a wedding album and scream at the top of his lungs, pound his fists on the wall and scream about how unfair life is. I need him to be safe if I die. The knowledge that he will be is the only thing that keeps me sane out here.”

Poe picked at a dry twig sticking out the sand.

“You really love him, huh?”

“He’s my whole life. If I had to choose between never seeing him again and doing this the rest of my life, or giving this all up to have him for one more hour... I’d choose Ren every time.”

Poe smiled a little and turned to watch the horizon again. “Marry the fucker.”

“Have you been listening to a single word I’ve been saying?”

“I’m joking, Christ, don’t stab me.”

Hux sighed and sat up, picking his canteen up from the floor next to him where it sat. He took a long swig, yawning as he did so.

“I wish I could bring Finn out here. Just to the camp here, I mean, it’s like a mini holiday.”

“Yea, other than the fact if the enemy slides in, we might just get shot in our sleep, and our entire families put in danger.”

“Always the pessimist.”

“I’m a realist.”

Poe went to say something in retaliation, probably something along the lines of how negative thoughts would increase Hux’s chances of dying or something, by the sound of Hux’s phone ringing.

He tugged it out his pocket, smiling when he saw Ren’s caller ID popping up, asking for a Face Time. Hux hit answer immediately.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, Huxxy.”

Poe snorted. “Huxxy?”

Hux glared at the man to his left. “Medical discharge.”

“OI HEY GUYS, THERE A SPARE BOTTLE?!” Poe immediately ran off to the soldiers that were in the sand, throwing water over each other and Hux settled back in his chair.

He turned his full attention to Ren, smiling. His long black hair was wet, tied up in loose pig tails. His mascara was smudged around his sockets and he was yawning like a good-un.

“How has your day been?”

“Exhausting.”

“Tell me about it.”

Ren stretched out a little and reached over to put his phone on his speaker by the bed, earphones still plugged in. “Well, I had my first ever experience recording as a collaboration artist.”

“You never told me about that?!”

“Yea, I collaborated with a band at college. It’s being released as a single from their debut album.”

“How did it go?”

“Well, _I_ didn’t mess up, and they want to work with me again.”

“That’s amazing, Ren, I’m proud of you.”

Hux watched Ren burst into smiles and curl up in the duvet, hiding his face.

“Hey no, come on, let me see that smile.”

“No!”

“Come on... all I have to stare at over here is Poe’s gross face-”

“-I CAN HEAR YOU!”

“-and I need more smiling material.”

Ren pulled the duvet down with a smile, nibbling on his bottom lip. Hux quickly screen shotted before he smiled softly. Worry nagged at the bottom of his mind when he saw how sombre his boyfriend looked.

“Gorgeous.”

“You have to say that.”

“If you didn’t look good, and you asked my genuine opinion, I would tell you.”

Ren rubbed at his face, his hoodie sleeve pulled down over his hand. “You’re a dork.”

“I’m your dork.”

A comfortable silence fell between them and Hux tilted his head. “Hey, how did you do on your assessments?”

Ren groaned a little and buried his face in his pillow – no. Hux realised with another smile that Ren had _his_ pillow – the one with brown blood stains on the corner was Hux’s. He still remembered Ren punching him in his sleep.

He had a nose bleed for half an hour.

“I haven’t checked yet.”

“Didn’t you get them a while ago?”

“They got posted at like midnight this morning.”

“I’m shocked you don’t know.”

Ren rolled back onto his side and stared at the wall above his phone for a moment before he sighed, hand dropping down the side of the bed. After a few seconds, he tugged his laptop up, sitting up. “I’m just doing this for you.”

“You normally stay up to get them.”

“Wasn’t feeling up for it.”

“Still depressed that I left?”

Silence filled the phone call and Hux frowned a little. “Ren-”

“I passed.”

“Oh?”

“96%.”

“Holy crap, well done.”

“It’s not full marks. Could have done much better.”

Hux frowned as Ren tapped at his laptop and he sighed heavily. “Ren, love... listen.”

“Mm?”

He continued tapping, typing quickly before clicking – no doubt updating his Facebook, maybe his Twitter – and then his laptop was being put back down on the ground. Ren rolled back onto his side, smiling softly at Hux.

“What’s wrong?”

“Look, we’re worried about you.”

Ren sighed and buried his face in his pillow.

“Why?”

“You’re not updating your YouTube, for one. I know how invested you are in keeping that running, you run it like clockwork. I remember when your upload was an hour late, how guilty you felt.”

Ren tugged Hux’s pillow over his head.

“Ren, you’re not eating.”

The mop of black hair resurfaced, staring at the phone. “I ate loads at Rey’s tonight!”

“And you’ve been throwing up.”

“No... No I haven’t!”

“Ren, we’ve been together for four years, and I’ve had to deal with you being sick before. I know when you’ve been throwing up. I can see it in your face.” Hux sighed. “You eat something bad?”

Hux noticed just how long it took Ren to reply. “Yea, I guess so. Or maybe I just had too much to eat.”

Hux nodded a little and licked his lips. “Hey, you need to get your rest. It’s late.”

“I wanna talk to you!”

“Ren, I love you, and I want to talk to you too, but you have classes, Ren-bird, and I don’t want you to stay up too late. Please go to sleep. In an hour, if you’re still awake, text me. If I can, we’ll call again, okay?”

Ren sighed heavily but nodded, reaching over to pick his phone up off the speaker.

“Goodnight, Ren-bird. I love you.”

“I love you too, Huxxy.”

They shared a quick air kiss before Ren hung up. Hux sighed heavily and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Getting up, he headed to get his earphones, deciding a training session might be the best thing to get the worry out of his aching muscles.

-xox-

It was dark when Hux was dragged to his feet, being awoken to the sounds of yelling, panic, screams of pain.

His eyes were barely open as he tugged his jacket on, and awkwardly stuffing his feet into his boots. Poe was by his side, rushing next to him, looking about as awake as Hux felt.

“S’going on?”

“I don’t know, people are just waking me up, yelling that I need to be up,” Poe grumbled as he rushed out their sleeping quarters. Hux followed suit, managing to get his jacket done up as he stumbled over stones and assorted objects in his path.

A gun was handed to him, and the sound of shots slowly filtered in through Hux’s perceptions. Shaking his head, he rushed to the side, finally noticing the flames on the horizon.

They were closing ranks, closing in on them.

Hux glanced at Poe, almost as if to say _I told you so_. The thought of Ren, curled up in bed at home, or just waking up for classes, depending on what he had, lay heavy in his mind.

“Get ready!” Hux was amazed that his voice wasn't dragged down with sleep, impressed at how loud it was, carrying across his troops.

The enemy were getting closer, they could be seen now, getting closer every second, their own guns firing off randomly.

“First round! Fire!”

The first group of soldiers began shooting, and Hux watched the enemies dropping. One by one, two by two, three by three.

“Second round! Fire!”

They were getting closer now, and a substantial amount of them dropped.

Hux noticed they were guerrilla and he pulled a face before aiming down his sight. “Third round! Fire!”

They were shooting back now, and Hux got caught off guard by his rebound. He paused to regain his balance, and then he was aware of the sound of a bullet near him, Poe moving closer to his side and then Poe fell with a screech and Hux took a second to glance back, eyes wide.

His head shot back around and he aimed down his sight again, breathing slowly. He aimed, tensed his trigger finger and then the sound of his gun firing rung in his ears and he had to stop himself from groaning out loud.

“COVER ME!”

Hux dropped immediately, and the ranks closed in the gap left by him and Poe.

Hux knelt down next to Poe’s head, hands pressing down hard on the bullet wound in the man’s shoulder. Poe was pale, but grinning, doing his best not to show the pain.

“This’ll be one to tell the grandkids.”

“Yea, yours maybe, Ren isn’t interested in having kids.”

Poe nodded a little and groaned, rubbing his other hand over his face. His breathing was getting heavier with each inhalation and Hux looked around. “I NEED MEDICS! SOMEONE GET ME A STRETCHER!”

“Hux...”

The General looked down, eyes wide as he saw Poe’s eyes roll back, eyelids closing.

“DAMERON! DON’T YOU DARE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5.5 by the babes <3
> 
> \--
> 
> Holy crap, 26 subscribers?! Thank you so much ;-; I know a lot of people dropped this when I had Kylo as a gender fluid character but you lot have definitely picked that slack up!
> 
> Okay okay, so I know I said I was going to have Poe and Hux be fine but I remembered a discussion I had with a friend when writing this and so... heck it'll be funny, you will understand.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support on this story, it's honest to God my favourite chapter story that I have, and I am so, so grateful that so many of you like this.
> 
> I'll do my best to cut down the time during updates, but I'm so busy with rl and then all these one shots prompts (because all these chapters are 2-3k, I rly need to sit and have a lot of time on hand to do it).
> 
> Again, thank you so much, it means so much that so many of you enjoy this story, and thank you for so many kudos and bookmarks too!


	6. General Lost

_“You bastard,” Hux growled, standing up and leaning in over Poe, “Your fucking heart stopped! I had to call your fiancé and tell him what happened-”_  
  
\- [Love is far from Bulletproof](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5942557) {Hannibal_X_Will}  
Chapter 5.5

\---

Ren was woken up by two sets of loud knocking. He groaned, rolling over, trying to bury away from the noise.

“ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR!”

His eyes blearily stared at the ceiling, listening to the upstairs neighbours slamming what was probably their golf clubs on the floor. It was then he realised the other set of knocking was coming from his front door.

Groaning again, he stumbled out of bed, yawning as he made his way through the dark apartment, cursing when he fell over the pair of heels he’d stepped out of and left in the hallway.

Getting to his door, Ren peered out the peephole, frowning to see Finn.

Sighing, Ren opened the door. “Finn, what are you doing at my house at 4am...” He drifted off as he saw the fat tears in his friend’s eyes, immediately moving to the side to let him in. “Finn, what’s wrong?”

His friend stumbled into through the doorway, barely able to hold himself up as he gripped at Ren. The actor barely had enough room to shut the door as Finn broke down sobbing again.  
  
“Hux called me. Poe got shot.”  
  
Ren didn’t move for a moment, eyes wide. “W-What?”  
  
Ren felt like ice cold water had been thrown over him. He couldn’t breathe. Finn clung to his best friend’s shirt, sobbing. Ren wrapped his arms tightly around Finn’s chest, slowly kneeling down to hold him close.  
  
“P-Poe got shot. His heart stopped in surgery-”  
  
Ren glanced at the ring on Finn’s left hand.

_Now I get it..._

“F-Finn, just breathe okay? I’m sure he’s okay-”

“He got **_shot_** , Kylo!”  
  
“Yea I heard you, but I’m sure he’s okay. He’s not going to leave you alone. He’s got Hux with him,” Ren’s stomach curled as he thought of Hux. “Hux won’t let him go _anywhere_.”  
  
Finn managed to stumble through to the living room and Ren watched him disappear as he collapsed onto the couch. Ren moved through to turn the kitchen light on, setting the kettle to boil.  
  
“Coffee or tea?”  
  
“Cocoa.”  
  
Ren nodded and went about pouring milk and sugar into two cups, adding the Aero cocoa powder. He knew that was Finn’s favourite.  
  
Finally, after what felt like forever, Ren carried the two mugs to the couch, not bothering to turn the living room light on. The kitchen wasn’t separated – the light from there was a comfortable brightness for the both of them.  
  
Finn took his mug and took a shaky sip, wincing at the hot liquid. “I’m sorry...”  
  
“Hey, I’d be the exact same if it were Hux,” Ren drifted off. “Do- Do you know if Hux is okay?”  
  
“Well, yea, Hux is fine because **_Poe took a fucking bullet for him_**!”  
  
Ren flinched backwards, wincing as some of his cocoa slipped over the edge of his cup, landing on his thigh.  
  
“Hey, relax, okay?”  
  
Finn stared at the liquid in his mug, tearing up again.  
  
“Finn Trooper, I swear to god, look at me right this instant.”  
  
The boy looked up, swallowing hard. Ren realised that Finn probably hadn’t come to him when he first got the news – his eyes were bloodshot, the veins so prominent, Ren might have guessed Finn was infected with some sort of virus from a short distance away.  
  
“Poe Dameron is strong. He loves you. He has Hux. He had the whole corps behind him.” Ren swallowed. “Where did he get shot?”  
  
“Shoulder. But the bullet lodged in an artery or a vein or... something. Hux said his heart stopped in surgery. They had to defib him.” Tears welled up in Finn’s eyes and Ren reached out, rubbing his leg.  
  
“His shoulder is fine then! Look at me, I can guarantee you that when Hux Skypes us – because he knows you’re here, I promise you – he will sit there and laugh at how bad a patient Poe is.”  
  
Finn laughed a little, nodding. “I-I guess.”  
  
“Remember when he got sick? And he was so whiny you had to take a week off school to look after him because whenever you got in he just complained and complained?”  
  
Finn laughed properly this time and Ren smiled, wrapping his arm around Finn’s shoulders.  
  
“Thanks, Ky.”  
  
“Don’t mention it buddy.”  
  
They cuddled up on the couch together, yawning. Ren set his mug down on the coffee table and Finn followed suit. They passed out, leaning on each other.

-xox-

Morning came much too quickly, and Ren groaned, turning his alarm off. He really should change that from The Imperial March from _Star Wars_ , because it was really starting to get on his nerves.  
  
Then again, the deep sounds of the song could drag him out of near unconsciousness, Ren was pretty sure.  
  
Sitting up, his cheek gave a painful throb from being pushed against the hard wooden frame inside the couch arm. Glancing at himself in the mirror that hung in the hallway, he grimaced. His hair was a total mess on one side, and his face looked like Freddy Krueger had visited.  
  
_Hux and I need to get a better couch_.  
  
He yawned, jogging Finn awake. The teen grumbled and rolled over – only to end up falling on the floor with a yelp.  
  
“I’ll skip today. I don’t have anything on, unless you have class..?”  
  
“N-No. No,” Finn stuttered off on a yawn. “No classes.”  
  
Ren nodded and curled up. Finn frowned a little. “Wait, won’t Obi want to see you?”  
  
“Obi-Wan is just proud that I managed to get through the damn assessment without screwing up, he’s going to let me off OOO.”  
  
The sound of his phone vibrating distracted Ren and he peered at it, smiling with a yawn as he grabbed the two still almost full mugs of (now cold) cocoa.  
  
“Told you Hux would Skype. Go turn the computer on and open Skype.”  
  
Finn moved to the computer that was set up in the corner of the living room, turning it on. Ren was quick to move around and make them both a coffee before he moved over to tug a spare stool to the computer desk. He handed Finn his coffee and opened Skype. He hit Hux’s contact, clicking the video call button and yawned into his coffee.  
  
It answered after merely two rings, and a very exhausted Hux took over the screen.  
  
“Hey Ren.”  
  
“Hey love.”  
  
“Finn.”  
  
“Hux! Is he okay-”  
  
“Poe is _fine_ , I assure you. He’s already being a snarky piece of shit-”  
  
“-Once again, I am right next to you-”  
  
“-Shut up, Captain- don’t interrupt me, that was an order.”  
  
There was the sound of someone mumbling and Hux glared over his shoulder. Ren cleared his throat.  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“We were swarmed during the night.”  
  
“And you almost got shot and Poe took the bullet for you.”  
  
Ren gave Finn a sharp elbow.  
  
“He’s right. I didn’t see the shot.”  
  
“It was dark, Hux, don’t beat yourself up over it.”  
  
Hux nodded, but it was obvious he wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation. Ren swallowed.  
  
“Finn, why don’t you go shower?”  
  
Finn looked between Hux on the screen, and Ren to the side of him and he slowly got up. “I can talk to Poe afterwards, right?”  
  
Hux nodded and cleared his throat. “I’ll set him up on Face Time with you later, you have my word.”

Finn hesitated before disappearing through to the small bathroom. Ren swallowed.  
  
“Hux-”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
Ren looked up to watch Hux on the screen. He saw the discreet little signs. The way Hux’s mouth tightened in the corners, how his jaw was squarely set, how his eyes were ever so slightly narrowed and how he blinked double time.  
  
“I understand now.”  
  
Hux sniffed.  
  
“Hux, I’m sorry I keep pushing for marriage, I-”  
  
“Ren, it’s fine; I understood it all, honestly.”  
  
Ren nodded and his fingers found the delicate H hanging underneath his Adam’s Apple.  
  
“I almost lost my Captain.”  
  
“You couldn’t have known.”  
  
“Poe got shot because of me.”  
  
“It was a _swarm_ , Hux, you couldn’t have known anything!”  
  
“His heart _stopped_ , Ren.”  
  
“General Brendon Hux, you look at me this instant and you listen hard and you listen fucking good.” Ren was rather proud of his mimicry of Hux’s ‘general voice’.  
  
“You are an _amazing_ general. You lead your troops, and you look after them – shut your mouth right now.”  
  
Hux’s jaw snapped shut.  
  
“You could not have known that Poe was going to get shot, if you did, you would have done everything in your power to prevent it and we both know that. You _stayed_ with Poe throughout _everything_ ; I bet you were there when he woke up, right?”  
  
Hux nodded a little, clearing his throat.

“You looked after him and you cared for him after everything, and you are still there now. You’re an amazing General and an even better friend.”  
  
Hux met Ren’s gaze and he managed to smile, taking a breath. “Thank you.”  
  
Ren smiled and sipped his coffee. “You’re welcome.”  
  
The sound of someone knocking at the door had Ren rolling his eyes and he sighed. “I have to go. I love you, Hux.”  
  
“I love you too, Ren.”  
  
The call ended and Ren got up to answer the door.  
  
What he didn’t expect, was to pull the door open to Obi-Wan.

-xox-

“Morning Obi.”  
  
“Ah good, I was hoping I didn’t wake you, Kylo.”  
  
They stood there awkwardly for a moment before Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “Might I come in?”  
  
Ren glanced back at the hallway that lead down to the bathroom before he stood aside. “Sure but Finn’s here. He got some bad news last night.”  
  
Obi-Wan stepped inside and stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket. Ren shut the door and offered him the route to the kitchen, which his professor took.  
  
“Sir, might I ask why you’re making a home call?”  
  
“I needed to see you when you get in today, and I couldn’t wait to tell you.”  
  
Ren nodded a little and winced. “Yea, I have to pass, Obi.”  
  
“Why’s that?”  
  
“I’m not coming in today... I can’t come in today.”  
  
“Has something happened?”  
  
“Finn. His fiancé, Poe, is Hux’s Captain. Poe uh. He got shot last night. I need to stay here with him.”  
  
“You’re a good friend, Kylo.”  
  
“Thank you, Sir.”  
  
“Please, just call me Obi outside of Juilliard; it’s such a stiff name.”  
  
Ren nodded and set the kettle to boil, clearing his throat. “Can I get you anything?”  
  
“Oh no, no thank you.”  
  
Ren nodded and sipped his coffee, leaning against the breakfast bar, frowning. Obi-Wan cleared his throat.  
  
“I have some news about those upcoming auditions you had.”  
  
Ren went to answer before Finn’s voice trailed down the corridor, calling for a towel.  
  
“Hold that thought.”  
  
The teen set his coffee down and half dashed across the rooms to slip into the airing cupboard and hand it to Finn’s arm, waving around outside the door.  
  
“Just so you know, Obi-Wan is here.”  
  
“I didn’t know he made home calls... what is he doing here?”  
  
“Telling me some stuff about an audition. You need some clothes?”  
  
“I can wear this stuff from yesterday. Go, go, go talk to him.”  
  
Ren nodded and headed back to the kitchen, scooping a hair band off the breakfast bar and tugging his hair up into a bun.  
  
“Okay, so, what’s the news?”  
  
Obi-Wan licked his lips before he cleared his throat. “Marvel and Disney no longer want to audition you.”  
  
Ren felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him.  
  
_Relax; you’re a new actor, the chances of you making it that big were never that high. You need a bigger portfolio before you do that, Ben, remember what Mama used to say._  
  
“You never said it was bad news!”  
  
“Ah, I didn’t say it was bad news because it’s _not_ bad news.”  
  
Ren frowned; he tilted his head and picked his coffee back up as he watched Obi-Wan.  
  
His professor broke into a smile.  
  
“They saw your audition tape... Kylo they want you in _Doctor Strange_ and _The Force Awakens_.”  
  
The mug slipped out of Ren’s hands and smashed on the floor, soaking his sock-clad feet in hot coffee and littering the floor with ceramic.


	7. Little by Little by Little by Little

Finn came running at the sound of the mug breaking and Ren didn’t seem to move at first.  
  
“Ky?!”  
  
“Kylo?!”  
  
“Oh I uh. Thank you for letting me know that I _passed my assessment_ , Obi.” Ren smiled brightly at the man in front of him with a tiny little eyebrow raise of _please say nothing_ before he turned to Finn. “I was just shocked I had.”  
  
Finn nodded a little, looking between Obi-Wan and Ren before he disappeared back through to the small cupboard of a spare room to get dressed. Ren turned back to Obi-Wan, who was frowning, his lips turned down in a question.  
  
“There’s probably rules I have to follow, I doubt I can go mouthing off! Those are the two biggest projects ever.” Ren slowly sank down to sit on a stool, wrapping his arms around himself. He stared at the ground, breathing harshly.  
  
This was it, his career was finally taking off, he was finally going to make it somewhere in his life.  
  
“I-I can’t wait to tell Hux!”  
  
“Didn’t you say before he was a fan of Harrison Ford?”  
  
“He is such a massive fan boy for that man, my gosh.” Ren laughed and then remembered his coffee cup that was smashed all over the floor. He got up and headed to grab a dustpan and brush, kneeling down to scoop the porcelain up into the dustpan.  
  
“Thank you for telling me, Obi-Wan, but I really have to get back to Finn now.”  
  
Obi-Wan nodded, beaming. “Congratulations, Kylo. You deserve it.”  
  
The teen smiled up at his teacher who hurriedly showed himself out. Finn tentatively creeped back out of the hallway to watch Ren drop down to finishing scooping the smaller pieces of porcelain up.  
  
“So, what assignment did you pass?”  
  
_Shit._ Ren grabbed a tea towel off the side and started wiping the coffee up from the floor. “The one I thought I failed.”  
  
“The one you completely forgot existed?”  
  
Ren silently thanked Finn for giving him a way out. “Yea, that one.”  
  
“That’s cool. Congrats, man.”  
  
“Thanks.” Ren popped up to flash him a smile, before he settled back down.   
  
“But it’s weird.”  
  
“What’s weird?”  
  
“I could have sworn I heard Obi-Wan tell you that you scored a role in _Doctor Strange_ and you got the part of that Sith in _Star Wars_.”  
  
Ren shot upright and smashed his head off the side of f the breakfast bar. He winced as he stood up straight. “Fuck that hurt; how did you know that?”  
  
“I heard Obi tell you, I was in the hallw- holy shit! Ky, you’re bleeding!”  
  
Ren tilted his head down and stared at the blood dripping from his head. For a moment, he just stayed there, watching the thick liquid drip down onto the white marble, and then the pain hit.  
  
“FUCK! Finn, grab my car keys and jacket.” Ren quickly wrapped the sodden tea towel in his hands around his head in a make shift bandage.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I’M BLEEDING FROM MY FUCKING HEAD; WE’RE GOING TO THE ER, FUCKING HELL, FINN!”  
  
Finn flinched and ran to get the things Ren had asked for before helping him out his apartment and down his stairs.  
  
“You know, I have no idea how to drive your car, right?”  
  
“I hear now is a _great_ time to learn.”

-xox-

“I’ve almost finished stitching this up, and then you’ll be free to go, Mr. Ren.”  
  
Ren hissed at the sharp tugging feeling on his scalp, glaring at Finn. Finn picked at the scabby arm of the straight-backed plastic chair he was sitting in.   
  
“How did this happen, again?”  
  
“I was crouching on the floor clearing up some spilt coffee, and Finn here startled me. I shot upright, and smashed my head off the side of the breakfast bar.”  
  
The nurse chuckled and glanced over at Finn.  
  
“It’s always the best friend’s fault, huh?”  
  
“Oh no, this was actually my fault.”  
  
The nurse made a soft _oh_ and smiled. “First time that’s ever happened.”  
  
The muffled sound of The Fratellis’ _Imposters (Little by Little)_ played through the room and Ren smirked as Finn jumped.  
  
“That’s Hux. Answer my phone for me.”  
  
Finn tugged the phone from Ren’s jacket pocket and answered the Face Time request.  
  
“Ren, lo- Finn?”  
  
“Yea, hey Hux.”  
  
“Why are you answering Kylo’s phone- Are you in a hospital?! Where’s Ren?! What happened?!”  
  
“It’s Finn’s fault!”  
  
Finn turned the phone so that Ren could see Hux’s face, and he smiled weakly. “Finn startled me and I hit my head on the breakfast bar.”  
  
“Wow, Finn really is an arse.”  
  
“You said it.”  
  
Finn glared from behind Ren’s phone and the actor laughed. “I’m fine Hux, the nurse says I’ll be free to go once I’m stitched up.”  
  
“Will you let me know when you get home? I want to talk to you.”  
  
Dread curled around Ren’s stomach and he nodded a little, only to get told off by the nurse. “You’re lucky I’ve finished this already! That could have gone terribly wrong.”  
  
“Sorry, Ma’am.”  
  
“Oh, ma’am, I like you, you can come again.”  
  
“I’d rather him not come again, if you wouldn’t mind.”  
  
They all burst into laughter and Ren smiled at his phone, suddenly realising just how much he missed Hux. Tears threatened to well in his eyes and he took a sharp breath.  
  
“Oops, sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you, sticking that on.”  
  
“You didn’t; it’s fine, thank you.”  
  
The nurse smiled and hurried out the curtains surrounding the cubicle. Finn handed Ren the phone and winked before he left, giving Ren some privacy whilst they waited on his discharge papers.  
  
“I have some good news, Hux, baby.”  
  
Hux settled back in his seat, smiling softly. “What is it, love?”  
  
“Remember how Obi-Wan thought I might have a chance at some big movies?”  
  
Hux nodded.  
  
“Well Marvel and Disney cancelled my auditions.”  
  
Hux frowned. “That’s hardly good news, Ren.”  
  
Ren smiled and dropped his voice to a slight whisper. “They watched my audition tape and wanted me straight away.”  
  
Hux’s mouth dropped open and Ren burst into soft, cheery laughter, watching his boyfriend.  
  
“You’re going to be in a film with _Harrison fucking Ford_?”  
  
“Don’t tell anyone, I’m pretty sure I’m not even meant to tell you but... how could I leave that out?”  
  
“Holy shit, Ren, well done! I’m so proud of you!”  
  
Ren looked down, blushing a little before he looked up to smile at Hux. The red-head was shaking his head, a disbelieving smile on his face.  
  
“I am so, so proud of you.”  
  
“You’ve said.”  
  
“I don’t know what else to say, I can’t... Holy crap, Ren, you’ve made it.”  
  
“What was it you said in the shower the day you left? _He’s gonna make it one day..._ Guess what, baby; I’ve made it.”  
  
Hux burst into laughter, smiling at the wall next to him before back at the screen. “Well done, Ren; you deserve it.”  
  
Ren smiled even wider and then looked up as the nurse came back with his papers. “I have to go, love.”  
  
“Text me when you’re home.”  
  
“I will-”  
  
“-Oh and tell Finn that Poe won’t be coming home just yet. We can’t risk sending out a flight when there are so many enemies in the area. He’ll be staying over here for a little bit longer.”  
  
Ren nodded and smiled softly. Hux waved, murmuring a quick _I love you_ and then the call ended.  
  
Immediately, loneliness overwhelmed Ren’s heart and the nurse’s words were a blur in his head.

-xox-

Ren stumbled up the stairs to his apartment, finding him jerked out of his thoughts.  
  
“You alright? Should I take you back to the hospital?”  
  
Ren glanced at Finn with a soft laugh. “No, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”  
  
“What about?”  
  
“Hux wants to talk when I get a private moment.”  
  
“Oh, damn.”  
  
“Oh yea, Poe can’t come home right now, but they’re sending home the moment they can, and you’ll be told before the flight takes off.”  
  
Finn nodded and smiled weakly at Ren. “Thanks for letting me know.”  
  
Ren nodded a little and realised his hands were shaking as he tried to open the door. Finn’s hands were there, helping him guide the key into the lock, helping him to turn it.  
  
Sighing, Ren headed inside, shrugging his jacket off, chucking it onto the coat hook by the door.  
  
The sound of his bed creaking had both Finn and Ren freezing. Slowly, Ren reached for the table in the hallway. His hand found the gun that Hux kept underneath, stuck to the bottom of the table, and he tugged it free, pointing it directly down the hallway.  
  
The door opened and Ren clicked the safety off.  
  
Rey popped her head around the door and then immediately screamed, disappearing.  
  
“It’s Rey! Jesus Christ, Kylo! I know I’m annoying but!”  
  
Ren scowled and clicked the safety back on, kneeling down to press the gun back to the restraints that kept it on the wood.  
  
“How the hell did you get into my apartment, Rey?”  
  
“Fire escape, you left the window open – why the hell do you have a _gun_ in your apartment?!”  
  
“Hux has it there in case of an emergency.”  
  
Ren moved into the kitchen, grabbing a wet cloth to start scrubbing his blood from the marble. He was aware of Finn and Rey staring at him as though he were insane.  
  
Ren rolled his eyes. “Some terrorists tried to break in once. Hux was home, called his army buddies, they were taken in within minutes. He taught me to shoot almost straight away, and there’s numerous guns hidden around the house, should I need to defend myself whilst he’s not here.”  
  
“Jesus Christ!”  
“You never told us that...”  
  
Ren looked up from the marble work surface.  
  
“I wasn’t meant to tell anyone.”  
  
Rey frowned. “What happened to your head? Is that you blood?”  
  
“Smashed it off the side of the work table standing up.”  
  
“Smooth. Why aren’t you two in school?”  
  
“I have no classes, Ky’s babysitting me.”  
  
“Are you sure he’s not holding a gun to your head and making you skip?”  
  
It was meant as a joke but Ren just glared before he stuck his face in the fridge.  
  
“Why do you need babysitting anyway?” Rey huffed as she tugged herself up onto the breakfast counter, swinging her legs.  
  
Ren was pretty sure she was kicking his ass on purpose.  
  
“Poe... Poe got shot. He’s alive, and he’s relatively fine, but I didn’t wanna be alone today.”  
  
Ren pulled out an old pasta salad from the fridge and grabbed a fork from the drawer, sitting next to Rey – on a chair – to eat.  
  
“It’s cool; I’m probably helping Ky go through his _Star Wars_ script.”  
  
“ ** _STAR WARS_**?!”  
“ ** _FINN_**!”  
  
Ren slumped in his chair before he sat up, smiling at Rey. “Disney and Marvel want me for _Star Wars Episode 7_ and _Doctor Strange_.”  
  
“Holy crap, Kylo! That’s amazing!”  
  
“Don’t you dare tell _anyone_ , Rey! You could cost me my jobs _and_ my reputation at the same time.”  
  
Rey pretended to zip her lip and then lock it. Ren rolled his eyes. “If only I could actually put a lock on your mouth.”  
  
Rey punched his shoulder and Ren burst into laughter, grinning up at her. Finn snorted a little and got a Gatorade out of Ren’s fridge.  
  
“Mario Kart?”  
  
“Mario Kart.”

-xox-

Ren found that when you’re waiting to go and film blockbusters, the time flew quickly.  
  
The day after he had been told, he received his scripts, the back stories on his characters, and was informed that he’d be filming for _Star Wars_ within the week.  
  
He never got a chance to talk to Hux more than a few text messages here and there.  
  
Sure enough, Finn came over one night to find Ren rushing around like a rabid dog, trying to find clothes and pack his suitcase. He’d ended up sobbing into Finn’s shoulder, suddenly terrified, too scared to go and do it.  
  
Finn had to sit him down and remind him of everything Ren had done, all the small roles he’d done to prepare for this – to make it big in the acting world as a massive _fuck you_ to his Father.  
  
Surprisingly, that had been all Ren had needed to finish packing.  
  
Now?  
  
He was staring at the ocean below him, 15,000 feet up in a plane. He was scared, and he could stop his body shaking, and it was all he could do to cling to the small beanie baby key ring Hux had gotten him years ago. It was hanging from his travel bag, sitting in his lap.  
  
He was running the small, furry tail through his fingers, and it was a source of comfort.  
  
Leaning on the window, Ren closed his eyes, and let the exhaustion from the week before finally grip him.  
  
Soon, soon he would be in London, England, for the filming of _Star Wars_ , and then the official Star Wars Twitter would drop that he was in it and was there for his first day of filming, and then Ren could discuss some things with fans... and then he could finally tell his family.  
  
God, Grandpa Anakin was going to be so proud.  
  
Smiling at the thought of his Grandfather smiling wide and proud, Ren fell asleep, face pressed against the cold plastic of the plane window.

**Author's Note:**

> Title: You be You and I'll be Me from [Let It Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsPq9mzFNGY) by James Bay.  
> 


End file.
